we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
