I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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