I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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