I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
