So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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