fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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