There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
