guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
