So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
