i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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