My first STD was from a foam party
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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