so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
soo... how was my night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
