I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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