He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
