mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
