I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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