I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
