I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
