Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
