I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
