I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
