If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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