I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
