If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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