Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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