yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
