I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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