I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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