life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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