We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
