The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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