im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
