Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
