I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
