ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
