didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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