I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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