You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't you send me to vm
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize