You can't motorboat a personality
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
