did you get engaged???
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
