Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
