they're like a gay fantastic four
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
