We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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