Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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