what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
either way he was missing a nipple.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
