Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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