I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
