i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
