remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
