At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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