i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize