my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
