They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
