I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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