I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
