I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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