can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
