I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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