sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize