i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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