there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
