I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
