ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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