Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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