I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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