It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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