he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
