He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
