Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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