It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
