He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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