I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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