You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
