I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
