And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
