I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
