remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
