There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
