Who wears a wallet chain?!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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