you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I forget how to act sober
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