Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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