I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
false alarm, still single
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
