i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
