I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
