I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
