Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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