New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
