I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize