How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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