planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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