Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My penis needs a shock collar
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
