Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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