Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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