69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
